Some may have heard of
Ulysses MacGrant, a mediocre war chief, who rose to some level of command in a now
largely forgotten conflict, stemming from a clan feud on the outskirts of Fyfe, and ended up holding a
low-ranking public office for some years. Nearly everyone has, however, heard of his legendary descendant, the famous Blood Bowl player
Emmy Grant
. This is the story about neither of those, rather than of MacGrant’s great-great-grand-nephew and namesake, the almost famous mathematician and physicist. The story began in 1964, when MacGrant had recently acquired a new motorcycle. He had heard rumours that E equals MC square and wanted to test this, but his motorcycle was full of curves and far from square. It took him several years, until he finally managed to hammer his Harley into a perfectly shaped square. Now, however, it was clear to him, that this square did not equal an E. For several years he tried to publicise his finds in acclaimed physics journal, but to no avail. In the course of his trying, at least 2 journal editors have been known to have taken their own life in desperation of talking to MacGrant. Ulysses MacGrant then went on to propose the Theory of Nothing in an obvious response to
the Theory of Everything. His theory is so ingenious (and non-existent), that so far none of the people who have studied it (which is admittedly few outside the psychiatric system) has been able to disprove it. On account of this, MacGrant started to gain notoriety in the field, and he has received the word, that no one than he has been a more obvious candidate to propose a Theory of Nothing. This was attested by his legal guardian, two parole officers and
Murray Gell-Mann. Since then MacGrant has been up to his neck in scientific acclaim and renown. Among other things he proposed the now well supported conjecture that every
natural number divided by 10 is a
Mersenne Prime unless it is not. Recently he has embarked on the project of finding the lowest even prime number that is higher than 2. After so far 12 years of research he has recently announced that a breakthrough in the search is now imminent. In 2001 MacGrant handed in a paper on each of the
Millennium Prize Problems, but all of them were turned down after a quick and presumably heavily biased peer review much to the dismay and astonishment of the scientific community. Now MacGrant hopes to use his mathematical genius in the field of Blood Bowl. Thus far he has spent 9 years trying to calculate the probability of rolling a double-skull using 6-sided dice. He has so far been unable to establish with certainty if it makes any difference being able to use a team re-roll.
DEATH!
